Antics of Beacon
by The Powder Keg
Summary: Just a comedy series. I believe that I am getting better. If you prefer something a little darker, check out my other story, Hills of Shimitani.
1. Chapter 1

**I made it, I'm not to good at writing comedy so I'm just gonna write a situation in which something funny** ** _could_** **happen. I hope it does. This series is going to go on for a time, not sure how long. The next story is coming but I would like some vauge ideas for a mission ideas that Team RWBY could be called to that would end in hardship. Btw Team Rwby is now a second year team, just for convenience. Enjoy!**

Prank Day. This was a holiday in the school in which every student would participate in somehow joking with each other. Staff has advised minor damage if any at all. Some pranksters took this advice, some didn't. One such soul was Yang Xiao Long. Yang took to heart the task of playing the best trick on anyone. Just last year she had silently rigged Weiss' bed to throw her out of it an hour before she woke up.

This year she had to target someone new. She had pranked all of her own team, and already had plans for Cardin. Team JNPR had a sort of truce with team RWBY. Then it hit her, she would do something no student would dare. Something that fear of anything from detention to a trip to the infirmary stopped. She would go after one of the teachers.

She had trouble deciding which one. Oobleck would probably just dodge around it whatever she did, he was crazy fast. Ozpin might kill her, or do nothing, he was too unpredictable. Glynda just plain scared her. She finally settled on Professor Port.

That story spewing, sleep inducing old man was going to get it. He claimed to have done almost anything so Yang had to go all out just to prove a point. She knew she would have to tamper with his stuff to do so. So she needed him gone. Already knowing the professor would buy none of her lies, she singled out the most innocent person in the room, Ruby.

"Heeeyy Ruby?" Yang said to catch the attention of a studying Ruby.

"Yes." Ruby said, eagerly looking for any distraction from studying.

"How easily do you think you could get professor port out of the room during free time. Ruby pondered the question before she figured out what her sister was up to.

"No!" Ruby said, "I'm not being an accomplice."

"Come on Ruby." Yang argued.

"There's nothing you can do to make me say yes."

 **Line Break**

Ruby couldn't believe she said yes. She had intended to go back to studying after saying her part, but Yang had gotten up and grabbed Crescent Rose.

 **Flashback.**

 _Yang what are you doing?" She asked._

 _If you don't say yes ill drop it out the window." Yang threatened standing next to the window._

 **End Flashback.**

Ruby had run and tried to grab back her sweetheart but the scythe was already hanging in Yang's grasp out of the window. Ruby couldn't refuse and eventually said yes, but Yang threw in a bag of cookies as an apology. Now Ruby was thinking about how to go about this. She already knew what she needed to do.

She would exploit the only weakness Professor Port had, his ego. The only problem, Ruby was a _terrible_ liar. None the less she walked up to his classroom during break. Knocking on the door she formulated her sentence.

Port answered the door to see a sweaty, nervous Ruby.

"Ah, Miss Rose, what brings you here?" He asked heartily.

"I was wondering if- if you um, if you could-" Ruby stumbled.

"Spit it out Miss Rose." He hurried her.

"Could y-you show me a few tricks. A-At the arena." Ruby finallly managed to spit out. The professor pondered this, he did have some paperwork but figured this was a good enough excuse.

"Id never say no to a chance to show off my talents. And on the way there, I'll regail you with a story of the time I once fought to Goliaths with my bare hands." He stepped out into the hallway and off towards the arena. Ruby was about to follow when she saw around a different corner that Yang was giving her a thumbs up.

"You so owe me" Ruby mouthed. She walked towards the arena. After wards Yang immediately snuck into Port's classroom. Reaching into her pack Yang produced a screw driver and unscrewed the teachers chair, making it to where it would fall apart the second someone touched it. She also put a trip wire under the desk to have a small explosive launch colored paste when activated.

Satisfied that it would ruin his clothes, chair, and day she left and prepared for his actual class. Yang walked into the dorm with a large grin on her face. Blake immediately noticed.

"What did you do?" Blake asked, already feeling the headache coming on.

"Just wait for Port's class." Was all Yang said as she packed her bag. The two walked on meeting Weiss and a tired Ruby in the hallway. As it turned out, Professor Port turned out to make sure Ruby attempted each trick, 100 times. Before Ruby could yell at her sister they had entered. Sitting down, Yang made sure each team member paid attention.

Port went on his was, standing at the board and pointing out various grimm diagrams. Yang was starting to lose focus when he sauntered over to his desk. Her breath caught in her throat as she waited for the catastrophe to unfold. He sat down, pulled his chair in, and nothing happened.

"Wha?" Yang said dejectedly.

"You know Miss Xiao Long, you should really think out you tricks better before trying one of your teachers." Port said, then pointed up. Yang followed his line of sight, all to late to dodge the colored paste and feathers falling on her, ruining her uniform. The effect was immediate, everyone in the class started laughing especially Ruby.

"Karma Yang, That is Karma." Ruby said. The blonde got up and walked out of the room, only to be tripped by a wire, face first into a large cake. Looking up she saw Professor Ozpin, a raised coffee mug hiding an all to smug smile.

"You too?" Yang questioned.

"Now Yang, would a headmaster join in on such jokes, would he?" With that he walked down the hall, leaving the far fallen prank master to pick herself up.

 **I'm not good at comedy but hopefully you got a laugh. Enjoy the next story, hopefully up tomorrow.**


	2. I DONT LIE

**I tried writing a different topic but it didnt work out. Video game audio is to long to write, and unless im doing a series, it's not worth this time. As i'm writing this i still have no idea what im doing. All i know is my other story might have been glassed over by this one so i do suggest you check out my story Hills Of Shimitani. It is my main work right now. Anyway i hope you enjoy the... whatever i write.**

Yang had always hated liars. Even if it was just stories, she liked them to be plausible. But listening to her insane professor Peter Port, ramble on about the time he had _impossibly_ defeated two Ursai with his bare hands, it was all she could do to keep from opening her mouth and debunking everything. Then a miracle came.

"So class, Glynda has informed me that her class will be shortened and mine elongated. This being so i will take on the responsibilities for the sparring half of her class. But, as a surprise the first fighter picks the fighting style their opponent, who _cannot_ refuse." Professor Port announced this digging out his scroll. He selected a randomizer app and applied the names of his students. The wheel spun.

"It seems our first fighter is... Yang Xiao Long. Who do you chose?"

Her chance had come. She would finnaly show him and everyone else his lies. And he had already said the opponent couldn't refuse. Yang stood up pointing at him.

'"I challenge you at hand to hand combat." Yang stated, hoping for a look of surprise. Instead he laughed.

"Oh, it seems my own words have betrayed. And while not usually allowed, i cannot refuse. Please place your weapons on my desk and we will begin." He said. Yang walked down the isle and unclasped Ember Celica, placing them down. Yang used her aura to link her scroll so that everyone else could see it in the mid air projector, Port did the same.

"Shall i go easy on you?" Port asked.

"I wont." Yang launched herself into a charge, rearing back a punch to his face, only to find him charging as well. He reached out his left arm, not in a punching motion, and grappled Yang's back as her fist landed somewhat uselessly against his chest. He raised his leg forward and kicked out hers, pushing her backwards. This motion ended Yang on the floor face down after doing a near complete flip.

 _'Lucky shot'_ she thought. Yang pushed herself up, this time waiting for him to make a move. He obliged by rushing forward and throwing a random punch that Yang caught. Smiling she threw her own, which was caught by the professor. With both fighters hands taken it was a standstill.

Peter Port was the first to react, sending a strong headbutt Yang's way, which staggered her. He threw a punch to her stomach, then caught her jaw. Finally he kicked her back and she fell onto the ground, not !00% sure what just happened. All Yang knew was that it hurt.

This was good for Yang, as she activated her semblance, fueled by the professor's own much stronger than anticipated punches. She stood up stronger than when the fight had begun, and rushed him. Each of her punches now a flaming arc. A flaming arc that was each time deflected by a well placed hand from Port. He smiled, focusing power into his hand.

A very rare technique that he had spent years learning the basics of. He would throw a punch that would hit his opponents aura directly. He would never risk this in a real fight for it was too unreliable, and would get him killed. But this was a sparring match and he took it as an opportunity to practice. He sent her a few paces backwards with a flat handed blow to the chest. Then used his aura hand to hit Yang in the stomach, with surprisingly little force.

The students in the crowd wondered what had happened. Yang was punched lightly and she froze, allowing the professor to step back. Then she collapsed onto the floor, her aura bar instantly in the red. They watched as she struggled herself back into a sitting position.

Yang had no clue what occured, she was punched, then she froze. Yang felt her aura drop like a stone, oddly with no pain. Suddenly she had no strength left to stand with. Determined not to just lie there she pulled herself up to sit. She caught her breath.

"It seems i win. Now maybe you all will listen when i tell my stories. Now miss Xiao Long, what lesson have you learned?" he asked.

"I learned that.. _deep breath.._ you cheat." Yang still had her defiance. The Professor bent forward to meet her eyes.

" _Never_ doubt me." With that he gestured for her to take her seat. Yang still didn't believe the story about the Ursai, but she had to hand it to him, he fought good. After class was over she walked back to her dorm defeated. She was about to lay down before she recieved a message on her scroll.

"(Please meet me in my office)"- Ozpin. Yang didn't even want to know how he got the number, she just went. She walked out of the dorm and to Ozpin's office. Inside he waited, sipping coffee. Yang waited.

"I hear you challenged my colleague Port. I also hear you lost." He let his sentence drop.

"And?" Yang was still somewhat angry over it.

"You are right, he cheated. As he does whenever he plays chess. Would you like to know the flaws of the rest of us? Might lighten your mood" Yang nodded and sat down.  
"Portman is a cheater, Glynda cares to much, Oobleck is clumsy and me, I wait too long. And i wont tell you what that means. Now go, and watch yourself out there." Ozpin gave Yang the advice. And she left. As she opened the door a large bucket of water emptied over her head, with a note.

 _"Still dont believe me?"_ Port.

"I warned you."

 **Im still not funny. but i put this out anyway. And expect the next Chapter of my other story tonight.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Does anyone read this, leave a review if you do as i am still waiting for reviews on Hills of Shimitani. Also leave a review if it is just your preference not to juggle to readings at the same time, because at that i understand, gets annoying with two often publishing stories, hard to keep track of the plots. Anyway enjoy.**

"Ren, I am just saying that StormFlower could use an explosive mode. Ruby could do it too, she fixed Magnhild after it broke down." Nora argued.

"I fight with precision. Explosives would disrupt this." Ren said calmly.

"Fine, but don't complain when I'm having all the fun." She ran off, presumably to explode some training dummies. Ren sighed, she had been trying to pitch this idea all day and it was giving him a headache.

It was true that he prefered precision in his fights. But he also noted that explosive cartradges and reinforcements would take up too much space for his weapons to easily slide back into his sleeve. Then again maybe if he tried it, it would get Nora off his case. She knew her arguements could last a while. She had already yelled at Juane for a week trying to get him to use a gun.

He left to seek out Nora in the training room. On his way there he formulated a way to get an explosive weapon without modding his own.

 _Eh, I'll just use Magnhild._ He thought. Ren walked into the training room only to hear yelling coming from the shooting range section.

"JUST TAKE THE GUN!" He heard Nora yelling no doubt at Juane.

"Nora."

"WHAT" She yelled, her face softening after seeing that it was Ren.

"I am here to take your offer, but first i want to see if i like explosives." He held out his hand for Magnhild, which Nora gladly handed over. Juane escaped the range while his teammate was distracted. Ren transformed the hammer into launcher form, after seeing it done so many times it was easy. He took aim and fired, the kick punching him in the shoulder. **_Yes a kick can punch._**

The grenade capsule flew wide, a complete miss.

"Your holding it wrong." Nora said, pushing the launcher until he held it the way she did. Lie Ren braced the rest on his knee and fired again. Too high, but he still thought it looked nice.

"You're too tense." Nora advised again.

He relaxed and fired again, this time obliterating the target. He smiled, taking another sort of aim at the next target that popped up. He hit that one, and the next one after that. He continued firing until the clip ran out, an odd smile on his face. He held out his hand for the next capsule load.

"Uh, here." Nora said, handing him the next clip of capsules. After reloading he fired again and again, _laughing._ Not the weak chuckle that he normally sounded but the same laugh that Nora got blowing up Grimm.

"HehehehahahahHAHAHAH!" As Ren laughed and emptied the clip, Nora got nervous.

"Uh, Ren. Are you alright?"

"Never better. I'm going to find Ruby." Ren walked off, leaving a stunned Nora holding her grenade launcher. As Ren walked through the halls of Beacon Academy, many students and some staff were surprised if not unnerved. One of these people was headmaster Ozpin.

"Ah, young man. What brings this sort of smile to you?" Ozpin inquired.

"I have found another part of my being." Ren continued walking.

"I don't drink enough coffee for this." The headmaster sighed, accustomed to himself being the cryptic one in the conversation. Soon after Ruby heard a rapid knocking at the door, not unlike a wood pecker.

"Who is it Ruby?" Yang asked.

"Probably Nora." Ruby got up to answer the still knocking door. Opening it to find Ren with his hand still in the air. He walked inside.

"Uh, what is it Ren?" Ruby asked. He summoned StormFlower.

"I have heard you are good with weapons, correct?" He asked.

"Yes."

"I don't care how it is done. Make my weapon explosive."

"Um, Ok. I'll need some supplies an-" She was cut off as Ren threw his Lien card at her.

"How soon can you have it done?"

"Next week." Ruby quickly replied, happy for the oppurtunity to work on his weapon. Ren nodded and walked out the door.

"Has he gone over to Nora's side?" Yang asked.

"Dust help us if he did." Ruby replied, going back to her homework.

 **One Week Later.**

"Here you are Ren, one explosive StormFlower." Ruby said as she handed him the weapons, ammunition, and near emptied Lien card.

"Thank you Ruby, and I'm thinking BlastFlower now." Ren walked too his dorm, the now larger weapons in hand as they would no longer fit into his sleeves. He walked in.

Oh hey Ren. Anything new?" Nora asked as Ren had been quiet the past week.

"Yes, I've just gotten my new weapons back. Care to go to the range?"

"Sure." Nora was just happy that she would be able to use her own weapon this time. After the way Ren had acted with Manghild last time, she wasn't too keen on letting him use it again.

They arrived at the range and Ren pushed the settings to the wooden targets.

"They'll explode better." He explained. The two took aim, Nora firing first, hitting each target with a satisfying crack of debris.

"My turn." Ren said in a low voice as his mouth curled into a smile. He felt the usual kick of his weapon quadruple as BlastFlower fired explosive rounds that ripped the targets to shred even better than Magnhild ever could. He laughed again, icing Nora's veins at the still unfamiliar noise. The clip ran dry and Ren's smile slowly faded.

"Didn't Glynda mention a class trip to the Red Forest tommorrow?"

"Yeah, i was looking forward to it."

"I am too." He left the range. Nora followed him until she realized they were in the courtyard, near the bullhead takeoff.

"Um Ren. Why are we here."

"We are hitching a ride to Vale."

"Don't we need tickets?" Nora asked.

"Not my way." Ren jumped onto the top of a bullhead and hooked BlastFlower's blades into the hull.

"I like how you think." Nora followed suit by hooking her hammers sharp end in as well.

 **Too be continued...**

 **It is long enough, and i actually found this one good so i hope you all do as well. AND HERE IS THE LINK** **s/12202252/1/Hills-of-Shimitani To my other story. Please read it, and a new chapter has just been posted.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I saw the reviews on the last one, and I understand that you may not like it. I would appreciate any of you to refer Hills of Shimitani to any friends, just so i can have reviews on it, as i like guidance in my stories. Until then, ENJOY!**

Ren had ridden on the back of a Bullhead along with Nora, to Vale. Once in the city Ren had procured some leather and thread. The trip back had been less eventful as Nora insisted on climbing up the cliffs. This task proved to be long and grueling, but Ren enjoyed it.

That night he stayed up using the leather and thread to make sheathes on his back for BlastFlower. Pyrrha awoke to Ren fitting himself and smiling at his handiwork. The day continued as normal, although with a much more chipper Ren, keeping up with Nora. They walked into Glynda's class and sat down.

"Class, today we will be taking an on foot adventure to the Red Forest. I see that you all have your combat gear on. Let us take leave." They left the class and loaded one of Beacon's larger ships, a JackalHead. **Imagine a larger, 4 winged bullhead.**

The trip was uneventfull as being in any sort of aircraft made Nora tired. Being outside one however had no affect. Ruby walked up to Ren.

"How are the new weapons treating you?" Ruby asked

"Practically exploding with excellence." He smiled at his own joke as a faint laugh came from Yang.

"Good." She walked off. A few minutes later the JackalHead touched down on the edge off the forest. With the aircraft now stopped the affecct wore off, leaving Nora to bound out of the plane, Ren following close behind.

"Our mission here today is to gain one jar of sap for each team member. You may use it however you like but I must see them." Glynda concluded her announcement and passed out jars to the students. She kept one for herself.

Ren and Juane cut holes in the sides of the trees, collecting sap and handing it to Nora. As Ren filled the last jar he heard Juane complaining.

"Nora! We needed that." He turned around to find all of the jars empty and Nora smiling sheepishly.

"Huh." Ren thought. He looked down at the jar and took a sip. A fruity sweet taste filled his mouth and he swallowed. A giddy feeling passed through his system and he suddenly found the urge to run. And so he did.

Team JNPR watched their member run into the woods, followed by Nora.

"I'll catch him." She called back. She had to pour on the speed as Ren was always more agile. She chased him at full speed and almost ran into him when he abruptly stopped.

"Ren, what ar-" She stopped when she realized the two of them were face to face with an Ursa Major. **Same Major that was supposed to be killed by Juane.**

"No time like the present!" Ren proclaimed, jumping onto the grimm's back. He gripped one of the large armored spines with one hand, and aimed BlastFlower at the beast with the other. Having lost it's first target, it sought after Nora next. It almost swiped until a small explosion on its shoulder turned it around.

"This one might work better." Ren said, jogging the memory of the initiation when Nora rode the regular Ursa in.

"YAY!" She jumped and grabbed another spine like a captain might lean off the mast of their ship. Ren shot the middle of the Major's back to get it moving. Unwillingly it charged forward in anger, steered by a shot to either the left or right shoulder.

 **At the field with Juane and Cardin.**

I said NO!" Jaune lobbed the jar of sap at Cardin, which exploded against his breastplate. Cardin sneered.

"Now _that,_ was a big mistake Juaney Boy." He pulled his mace and prepared to attack when a large roaring and smashing of trees sounded to his right.

"What the-AHHH!" Cardin turned and saw an angry Ursa Major with a green and pink spot on its back. The next second he was collapsed upon by the dead grimm.

"How'd this one break?" Ren scratched his head in confusion, he hadn't shot it more than twenty or thirty times.

"I don't know, but it sure lasted longer." Nora piped up.

"GUYS!" Juane yelled.

"Huh?""What?"

"Help Cardin. He's under there." He pointed to the body of the Major. Nora nodded and proceeded to lever Magnhild under it while Ren pulled Cardin out.

"My leg!"

They looked down and saw not one but both of his legs broken.

"I TOLD YOU I'D DO IT!" Nora yelled at Juane.

 **Kind of a short chapter I know, but this concludes the insane Ren adventure, I think. Once again I urge you to refer this and Hills of Shimitani to other readers and friends. Also, does anyone know a good sight i can advertise my story on besides this one. Thanks.**


	5. Chapter 5

**DEMONS! That is the random theme that my friend has chosen for this chapter, compliments to my writer's block. I could not think of one and made the giant mistake of asking him. In any case I hope you enjoy. Also enjoy a psychopath Ozpin.**

Ruby had been wandering the halls in Beacon, just to think a little on a new team combat maneuver that would include every part of the team. She had just gotten to the part where Yang threw Weiss when Ozpin called her on her scroll. She answered.

"Hello sir."

"Thank the heavens I got a hold of you." A large crash sounded behind him, something glass.

"Um, is everything alright?"

"Get up here quick- ** _CRASH_** AND BRING SALT!" The call died out, and with the thought of getting expelled ig she didn't comply, she ran. First through the cafeteria, which soon found all the salt replaced with trails of rose petals. She then boosted the entire way to the tower, making it there and up the stairs in just under 73 seconds.

 _A new record._

She paused to catch her breath for a few seconds before walking into the office.

"Sir I'm he- WHAT IN REMNANT!?" Ruby yelled as she walked into a storm of object flying around the room, and Glynda in the center of the room, attacking Ozpin with the objects.

"Throw me the salt!" He yelled. Ruby fumbled with the shakers before tossing them at the professor. HE caught them with one hand and immediately reached into the wall, pulling free a shotgun.

"Hold her off."

"WHY!?" Ruby was still baffled at what was going on. Unfortunately it was at this moment that Glynda noticed her, turning her head that had black eyes towards her.

"Eid uoy elbaresim lrig!" Glynda spoke obviously in reverse, as the objects flying in the room switched targets from Ozpin to Ruby. Ruby pulled her Scythe and unfolded it, charging her teacher. The hail of object solidified in front of her and Ruby's scythe bounced off. Ruby switched to firing shots off with Crescent Rose.

In the meantime Ozpin disassembled the shotgun shells, replacing the birdshot with grains of salt, throwing the cap of the shaker in for good measure.

"MOVE!" He yelled before friring the shells into Glynda's back. He then ran up and then shoved a handful of salt into her mouth. Black smoke billowed from her mouth and she dropped to her knees, retching.

"Miss Glynda, are you alright?" Glynda looked up from the floor.

"I _breath_ I will be." She stood up shakily.

"Why! Whyyyyyyy!" The two looked over to find Ozpin kneeling in front of a box of coffee and yelling up into the ceiling, strangely it was also raining from an unseen source, and only around the professor. Glynda walked over and proceeded to slap the grey out of him. He stood up with perfectly green hair like professor Oobleck.

"Hmm. Well OK then."

"You need help." Glynda said.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt but WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME **WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!"** Neither of the current company knew Ruby could yell this loud. While Glynda rubbed her ears in an effort to regain hearing, Ozpin answered.

"Hell exactly Miss Rose. As you can see, Glynda Goodwitch here was just possessed by a demon that I may or may not have summoned in a ritual to get infinite coffee." He explained, Ruby did a double take and was about to ask but decided against it.

"Well, is it dead?" Ozpin laughed at this.

"Far from it, but i know how." He grabbed Crescent Rose faster than she could see, duct taping a knife to the end of the blade.

"Wha-"

"It's _silver."_

"Where is your weapon?" He thought for a moment, the proceeded to walk up to a wall, and punch through it multiple times, in different spots. He pulled a different gun out each time before throwing it out behind him as if he didn't even know what he was doing. Finnaly he pulled out an old looking revolver and speed loaded rounds into it.

"This is my weapon.

 **End of part 1 every body. very short but i wrote it in thirty minutes while i had the drive. I hope you all enjoyed it and i will see you next time.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm back. I have been writing a book and therefore took a long beak to get an amount of it done. Sadly it was all in vain as just today it got erased by an app default reset. So you may expect either an increase or decrease in posts on this site. Most likely a decrease as my initial frustration has been warded off by the staring into a fire for a few hours. I hope you enjoy this chapter and that i never create an author note as long as this one again.**

Ruby could not run fast enough to warn her friends in her opinion, despite leaving the tower and running up the flights of stairs in nothing short of 15 seconds. She knocked on the door about ten times before deciding it would be faster to break it down. A swift running kick did it it in and she could now relay her warning.

"Guy's, there's a demon on the loose!" She yelled to her three teammates.

"BULLSHIT!" Yang said, throwing down her drink she was holding. Almost instantly she was thrown out of the window by an unseen force. Weiss gave Blake the ten lien that they had somehow had time to bet if it was real or not.

"What do we do?" Blake asked. They heard a noise coming from an entrance, finding the still green haired Ozpin lying on his back. He had been expecting to kick a door down, but found no door to kick and fell. He jumped up onto his feet like they do in the movies when they are lying down.

"We kill it." He pumped a shotgun for effect before throwing it away and pulling the revolver back out.

"How?" Weiss asked. He gestured with the revolver carelessly, making the girls duck for cover.

"This kills them, but it has to have a host. Any volunteers?"

"For what?" Nora poked her head in, after hearing a good door kicking.

"To be possessed by a demon, of course." He said, still waiving the gun.

"Nora, you cant keep running off like that." Ren had just showed up. Along with the rest of team JNPR.

"Ill do it." She said.

"What did she just agree to?" Juane asked.

"I don't repeat myself, Now miss Valkyrie, just walk around the halls, and call us if you see any black smoke.

"Will do." With that she ran off.

 **five minutes later.**

"HOW DID SHE GET POSSESSED THAT FAST?" Ruby yelled. Ren just sighed, rubbing his head because of the aching pain.

"She just manages these things." After saying this, Ozpin ran past them, wearing an old fashioned coboy hat, and had somehow grown a beard. The possessed Nora regarded him.

"Deen erom nath a nug." It said. Ozpin smirked, quick firing more rounds than the revolver could actually hold into Nora's body, power of a dying demon spouting from each one.

"NORA!" Ren yelled, watching his partner and childhood friend called. Nora then got up.

"Plot armor. Can't kill me yet." She said.

"Precisely." Ozpin spoke. Just then a wall broke down, revealing Yang, somehow uninjured from her fall.

"Who do I kill?" She asked.

"Just go to sleep, I know I'm done with today." Ruby left, along with everyone else in the corridor. The day had been strange, but they won.

 **NO NOTES TO BE HAD**


	7. Chapter 7

**It seems as though people laugh at the same thing I laugh at in these stories, random nonsense. For copyrighted reasons, i have to say this.**

 **I do not own any songs written by the band DISTURBED, or any other song references in here. Ok, now we good. Also, it is common knowledge that Ruby listens to some kind of rock, evident on the very first episode. This will make sense later, but the correct line is "Where's the deviant?" But 90 percent of everyone hears it different. ENJOY!**

Juane was walking through the hallways, alone according to his knowledge. Suddenly a rose petal fell in front of him, he looked to his side to see Ruby.

"Oh, hey Ruby." He greeted her, but she didn't seem to hear, he tapped her on the shoulder and she looked up. e gestured to the headphones she was wearing, she took them off.

"What are you listening to?" He asked.

"It's called, Who taught you how to hate. Just click on the first song that shows up. By Juane." She ran off in another burst of petals. Intrigued, he took out his scroll, typing in the name of the song, and putting in his earbuds. Metal blasted through his ears, but he soon found his head bobbing to the music.

He had been walking for a time, muttering the lyrics for the third time, when he spotted Cardin walking up to him.

"What ya listening to Juaney-boy? Is it pop. I'd expect it from you." Juane was about to make some argument, but his favorite part of the song came on, and he decided to use it to his advantage.

Juane: " **Tell me now!"**

Cardin: " **Tell you what?"**

Juane: " **Who taught you how to hate!"** He sang at the top of his lungs, Cardin was starting to question his sanity.

Cardin: **"What's that suppo-"**

Juane: **'Cause it isn't in your blood, not a part of what you're made!"**

Cardin: **"Are you mad**!"

Juane: **"So let this be understood, Somebody taught you how to hate!"**

Cardin lost his patience, swinging a fist at Juane, who weaved around it by pure instinct.

Juane: **"When you live this way you become,"**

Cardin: **"Yeah?"**

Juane: **'Dead to everyone."**

Cardin: "Wait, what?" Juane walked away with his head bobbing, which Cardin took to as nodding. He started walking the way down the opposite hallway, thinking. Juane couldn't have been telling the truth, could he? Cardin saw Yang walking the other way.

"Dead man walking." She muttered, Cardin did a double take. He ran back to his dorm for some time to think. There to greet him was his teammate Russel.

"Hey man, what happened? You look like death." This man soon regretted his choice of wording.

"I"M ALIVE!" Cardin argued. He threw his friend hard enough to go through the door, and continue out the window.

 **Meanwhile at JNPR's dorm**

Juane walked through the door, finding a particular lack of one object, an object that in no way correlated to the madness he was about to spout.

"WHERE"S THE TV AT!?" He yelled, shaking the walls.

"It's the coffee maker that is missing." Pyrrha said. Juane sat down on one of the beds and finished the song, quickly going to sleep.

 **RWBY Dorm**

The scene that Weiss walked into was enough to trigger an instant headache. In the center of the room, was two chairs and a table. Seated was Yang and Ruby, the latter of which was wearing headphones. They were, arm wrestling. The strange part was that it seemed a stalemate, even though everyone knew Yang's strength rose above most others.

"ARGH, Come on!" Yang said, obviously annoyed. She found it even stranger when Ruby started spouting song lyrics.

"I'll have you know, that Iv'e become." She took a brief pause. "Indestructible."

"Huh?" Yang said.

"Determination that is, incorruptible." Weiss was no longer listening, shocked by the fact that the blonde brawler's arm slowly started moving backwards. After some time, stalemating again an inch above the table, before Ruby broke through the table with Yang's arm. This managed to wake up Blake.

"THAT IS MAHOGANY!" She screamed. The room paused, as if waiting for laughter. Yang spoke up.

"That is bull. Rematch." She held up her arm, only to find it blue and broken. Weiss walked out of the dorm, after saying something she would regret saying.

"I'm going to the library, have a _smashing_ time." She closed the door. After a few moments, the expected yell sounded.

"THAT"S MY JOKE!" Yang roared, jumping up and smashing through the door with her broken arm, not yet feeling it.

"Run" Ruby said. Weiss took heed, running up the hall and running into Juane.

"For the love of Remnant, help me." She said, actually fearing for her life. Juane looked up to find Yang, on fire, charging towards them. Juane stood back up, chest puffed out, and song starting up.

"Move Juane!" Yang threatened. The guy in question however knew not when to shut up.

"Can we make amends, do we just pretend. That we're over all the violence." He said, following the intro lyrics.

"What?" Confusion and bristling anger was evident in her eyes.

"Are we done with this, put it all to rest. Turn the screams now into sileAAAAAGGHH." Juane was quickly thrown into Cardin's room, the owner of whom ran out of the room, grabbing Yang's shoulders.

"I'm alive, right?" Cardin asked, a crazy look into his eyes. He was promptly thrown back into his room. Yang's one throwing arm was starting to get tired. She had to save energy to throw Weiss off the roof. She took back off down the hall after the heiress. As fast as Weiss was, Yang was faster and quickly caught up to her. She pleaded as she was carried up the stairs.

"I's sorry. I'll never give you a _hand_ with puns again. No need to give me an _arm-full_ of pain, heh heh." Weiss resigned her fate at the two unintentional puns, targeted at the broken arm. Yang re-found strength with anger and doubled her speed to the roof. On the roof was a sight she didn't expect.

"-I turned my collar to the cold and damp." Cinder solemnly sung, staring off into what appeared to be a sunset. "When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light, That split the night." Yang fumed at hearing any more music.

"You're all bat crazy!" She threw Weiss into Cinder, who broke the heiress' fall. Yang clapped her hands in satisfaction. She headed back in, vowing to ignore the next crazy thing that happened to her. Only strengthening this vow as Glynda Goodwitch tumbled through the ceiling and lended next to her.

 **JNPR Dorm. _took me three tries to type 'dorm'_**

"I have this feeling that someone just saved my life." Pyrrha said, looking up from her studies.

 **All the references. Not as good as the last one, but when an idea pops in my head like this one did, I have no choice but to put it into a story. i hope you enjoyed it.**


	8. Chapter 8

I **am in desperate need of ideas. If you would please submit 1 to 2 word themes for chapters it would be very appreciated. I don't own any franchises involved, Enjoy.**

Ruby just finished aura manipulation class with Glynda Goodwitch, a class that always left Ruby feeling mentally drained. She walked down the halls, letting her mind wander and her body navigate. She thought the class was odd, taking ones semblance and turning it to do something completely different, hence the _manipulation._

Ruby for example, was focused away from her speed, and more towards the petals, creating a storm with them. The first time she had tried, a nosebleed occurred when she did too much too fast. Yang was taught to stray away from her give-return damage, and more towards controlling her fire. Pyrrha was trying to slow and even control ones movements by manipulating the iron in blood. Nora was being taught to zap people, bad idea.

After about ten minutes of thought Ruby noticed that the hallway hadn't ended yet. Come to think, it also never turned. She took a look at the doors numbers, trying to place her location, but they were all blank.

"How in the..." Ruby walked up to a door, knocking. There was no answer. She tried yelling, pounding harder.

"Hey, anyone in there? I'm a little lost and i need some directions!" Still no answer. Ruby decided that maybe they weren't there, possibly training. As a final effort she jiggled the doorknob. Expecting to walk away and find another door, she was surprised to find it opened.

"I'm coming in." Ruby warned. She opened the door, ready to see either someone sleeping or an empty dorm. What she did not expect too see were two men in a hotel room, arguing. One was tall with long hair, and the other short, but had a face that said he had seen some things. She was about to ask where she was when the shorter one threw a punch, knocking the other one flat.

"Wha.." Ruby was stunned into silence. The tall one got back up, tackling the other into a wall, cracking it. He then punched him repeatedly until he spit blood. The tall one got up, walking towards the door.

"Sam, you walk out that door, you don't come back." He turned and left. After a few seconds Ruby found her voice.

"Who was that? Who are you?" She asked exasperatedly.

"I'm Dean, that was my brother. Who are you?" Dean asked, groaning as he held his side. "How did you get here. Please don't tell me you're with Cass."

"Cass, who... Nevermind. I'm Ruby. I'm just trying to-" She was stopped.

"Ruby, you aren't the Ruby I know, right?" He asked, referring to what she didn't know was a demon.

"Ruby Rose, where am I, and how did I get here?" Ruby asked again.

"Seeing as you just walked out of our closet, I have no clue." He looked back into the still ajar door. "Is that a school?" He spit out some blood on the carpet.

"Yeah. Beacon Academy of Vale. Haven't you heard of it?" Dean shook his head.

"I am just going to say that you are from another universe, and that is a wormhole. If I know something about anything, it's that you should probably get back to that place. Wherever that is, because this is America, on planet Earth. Goodbye." Dean said as he left the room, either to track down Sam or get a drink, probably both.

"O-ho-kay then." Ruby walked back through the door, shutting it behind her. "This is going to be a long night."

 **I can not say I am proud of this length, but i had to get something out. While this is not very funny on it's own, it sets up for a very good part 2 of this. Until next time, I'm sorry.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Trying to get this one up faster, and longer. I hope you enjoy this one.**

After the run in with the person named Dean, Ruby wasn't so sure she wanted to open any more doors. Unfortunatlely to get back to her dorm, trial-and-error was her her only hope. She walked over to the next blank door in the hundreds she saw, and opened it. At first she was hopeful as the room she opened looked like her doorm, but then she noticed the colors. All of them were inverted.

"What is this place?" She asked aloud, a voice exactly like hers answered.

"Hey, who are you?" A Ruby with a blue cloak and hair and white outfit was standing in front of the red one.

RubyBlue- "That color looks horrible on you."

RubyRed "Don't you mean you?"

RubyBlue- "That's what I said, _you_."

RubyRed- "No, you as in you. I'm you and you're me."

RubyBlue "You can't be me, I'm me. And you're you."

RubyRed- "We're clones, alternate copies."

RubyBlue- "No, there is only one me, and one you, we are just twins.

RubyRed- "What is your name, favorite food, weapon, and team name?"

RubyBlue- Ruby Rose, cookies, Crescent Rose, and RWBY."

RubyRed." Same as me."

RubyBlue-"This hurts my head.

"RubyRed- "Yeah, mine too. I am going to leave.

RubyBlue- "Bye." RubyRed left through the door, standing back in the hallway, wondering what the heck just happened. They were obviously clones, just different colors. "Damn multiverse theory." Ruby walked down the hall a couple doors, and opened another. Behind this one was an office with what appeared to be five grown men playing a very blocky looking world.

"Damnit Gavin!" This one sounded suspiciously like Blake's friend Sun.

"Whot." Ruby didn't know what accent this was.

"You blew up the house!" Ruby stepped out before another weird conversation broke out. She opened another door, leading into a dark room. Inside was a puppet on a tricycle.

"Hello Ruby, would you like to play a game?" Ruby had never run out of a room so fast in her life. Whatever 'game' this thing wanted to play was going to be bad for her well being, she was sure of it. She opened the next door, leading into a forest.

"There can't even be a door here." She tried to reason with herself.

"WHO ARE YOU!" Someone was suddenly pointing a gun in her face. The person had a sheriff badge and held a revolver. Whether her aura would have deflected the bullet or not, a gun in the face made you talk when surprised.

"I'm Ruby please don't shoot me." The gun lowered.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Rick." He took her hand and shook it.

"Where am I this time?"

"Not sure what you mean by this time, but that door in the middle of the woods might have something to do with it." Unbeknownst to him, an undead corpse had sneaked up behind him.

"Zombie!" Ruby yelled.

"Zomb-what?" The corpse sunk it's teeth into Rick's neck. "CAAAAARRRLLLLL!"

"Why!?" Ruby yelled at herself as she ran back through the door, closing it behind her. After a few moments she was done, Ruby was either going to get to the end of this hallway or go crazy doing it.

"Let's go." Ruby took off, using her semblance to it's fullest. The doors went by so fast they simply blurred into one color. The wind rushing in the hallway from the speed was whipping through her hair. Ruby had only been going for about twenty seconds, but she could already feel her aura draining. Forty more seconds and she was starting to stumble, dangerous when going over 100mph on foot.

"Come on." Ruby was sure she would reach the end soon as the pressure began building in the air in front of her, signaling a change in direction. A few more seconds and a door came into view, right in front of her, with the hallway ending. Ruby smiled with glee until she realized one thing, she was going _way_ to fast to stop.

"NONONONON- _CRASH"_ Ruby blasted through the door at speeds enough to break a little of everything, had it not been for her aura. After collecting her mind for a few seconds she realized that she was back in the dorm.

"What are you doing you dunce!?" Ruby heard Weiss yell but had to know if everything was back. She crawled towards the door to see if everything was back, and it was. The doors had numbers and the hall had turns.

"What happened out there?" Blake asked.

"I think I know, infinite hallway illusion?" Ruby nodded her head at Yang, still lying on the floor.

"Infinite what now?" Weiss asked.

"It runs in the family. Happens at least once to everyone."

"Why am I not surprised?" Weiss walked away looking like she needed a drink, but was angry at her low age.

 **Can't say I'm proud of this one either, but at least it's out. I am going to be throwing this to the backburner for a time while we fight through the climax of the other story, but expect within a week another chapter. Tune in next time to see how Ren handles physics noping out.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Been some time hasn't it? Sorry about that. Let's try and make this a good one shall we. Slower burn on this chapter but equally funny in my mind.**

 **Ren deals with the world and physics no longer functioning.**

"Hey Ren, toss me that bottle would you." Nora was sitting at the desk in the dorm studying, a rare sight indeed. Ren wassitting on the bed reading a book. He looked over at the bottle of water sitting on the nightstand before tossing it and returning to his book. The silence he heard was a clear sign that Nora had took a drink and went back to studying, that is until he heard the nervous laugh.

"Alright Ren, good one. Now _hand me_ the water." Ren was silent for a second which was his version of a sigh. Not looking up from the book he responded. "I threw it to you, what are you talking about?"

"Just look." Ren set down the book and saw the bottle of water frozen in mid air. "That's not me." Intrigued, he got up and inspected the bottle.

"I still want the bottle." Nora said impatiently. Ren nodded and grabbed the bottle out of the air and started walking to Nora's position in the room. "here you goaaggh." Ren was close lined by the bottle that hand't changed position from the spot in mid air. He got up and dusted himself off. "You try." Nora stood up from the desk, slightly annoyed in that fact that she finally started studying and something had to happen. She gripped the bottle and pulled hard but it remained fixed in space. "Shoot it."

Ren looked at Nora like she had grown a second head. "No." Nora nodded and then walked over to Magnhild which was leaning against the wall. Ren foresaw the impending destruction and jumped to stop it. He would like to _have_ a room to read in. "Stop! I'll shoot it." Ren pulled one of his signature mini-smg's off of the nightstand and took aim a few feet away. He fired and the report seemed dulled. "Huh."

Both of them stood mystified by the dust rounds that stopped short of the bottle, suspended in space. Ren was frustrated with it at this point and all he wanted was to return to his book. "Get some water out of the sink." Nora nodded and skipped off, a mug in hand. Actually sighing this time Ren sat back on the bed, about to pick up his book. "The sink is weird Ren!" He shook his head. "How is it weird Nora?" He dreaded the answer.

"Weird in the fact that it isn't there!" This was _not_ something that Ren was going to deal with. He picked up his book, yelling back to his partner. "Try Team RWBY's dorm." He watched her walk out into the hall. With that issue solved he picked up his book only to find it without letters and a sudden urge to write in it. Ren followed his gut feelings and wasn't about to stop now. He picked up a pen and wrote directly into the page.

 **Why am I doing this?** There was no reason not to question it. He watched the ink sink into the page before it wrote itself. _You tell me._ Ren wrote his next message.

 **This is weird.** He awaited his answer. _Indeed._ Ren closed the book with a snap. "Nope." He got up from the bed, wary of the floating bottle, and left the room. He prayed the hallway wasn't melting of upside down. It was neither but that was only because he wasn't _that_ lucky. Instead the entire thing was filled with water up to his waist. Another mystical force kept the water from entering the dorms, which Ren was thankful for. "Why, just _why._ "

Ren was having a heck of a time keeping his cool. Ozpin floating down the hall in a kayak didn't help matters. "Maybe you could tell me why the dorm halls are flooded." Ozpin said, Ren shook his head. "You don't know and yet you are in a boat?" Ren asked. Ozpin looked offended for a moment. "I _always_ prepare for the unexpected." With that declaration Ozpin left Ren more confused than ever.

Ren began to make his way down the hall. He planned to go to the library, grab a non water damaged book, and get outside. This was simpler said than done as the deep water made getting around nearly impossible. After trudging through for a few minutes and only making to the other end of the hallway Ren swallowed the rest of his logic and began swimming to his destination.

"It's not even deep enough to drown in, come on!" Ren recognized Sun's voice as he rounded the corner. "Yes it is, you can drown in only a few inches of water." Neptune and Sun seemed to be arguing about getting in the water. Sun was standing while Neptune hung on a chandelier. "That would take some effort, now get in. Oh, hey Ren." Ren waved his hello as he swam past. He didn't exactly want to be caught in the middle of this.

"Tell Neptune that the water is _fine._ " It seemed he didn't have a choice. "Neptune is right. I heard of someone who broke their arms and couldn't get up. They drowned in ankle deep water. Don't worry though, in this you will float." Ren just answered what he believed to be the truth, though it seemed that it only made Neptune's situation more terrifying. He swam off before they could drag him back in.

A few more minutes of swimming and he was at the library. With a small smile of success on his face Ren swam in, asking the clerk where the books that were still usable were. "What are you talking about, no water damage here." Ren was about to point out the fact that he was currently _swimming,_ but he felt his legs suddenly go dry. "Right."

Ren walked towards the realistic fiction section thinking that all was back to being right with the world. He was yet again wrong as he saw all of the bookshelves empty and a note in the floor that said, 'Check'. Ren reached into the empty bookshelf, pulling a book out of nothing. "Checkmate." He walked away from the place and checked out the book, _Viktor and the Windigo_. The green clad one didn't dare go back in the hallway, instead opting to climb out of the window to save time and sanity. An endless fall in a badly lit whole greeted him. "Of course. Why _wouldn't_ this be here."

Ren grumbled to himself as he opened his book, having slight trouble reading the book from the air rushing past. The rock patterns on the wall kept repeating as he fell, hinting at a loop. He kept reading, making it to page five before he found himself sitting back in his bunk. A very startled Nora sat at the desk, looking at him with wide eyes. "You... Are you okay?" Nora was obviously freaked out and Ren wondered if his mind had simply wandered very far and he was repeating things here. He held up the book he was reading. "Very immersive story. I will try to be quieter next time."

"Yeah, um... Can you hand me that water?" Ren sat as still as a statue for a few seconds, not blinking, not breathing. He then grabbed StormFlower off of the nightstand and obliterated the bottle, startling Nora even more. "I am not going through that again." He walked to the sink and got some water in a mug before going to sleep.

 **Like I said, slow burn. I still think it was funny and I hope you did to. Until next time, Happy Holidays. I may put in a Christmas themed comedy chapter.**


	11. Chapter 11

**I am back. After a long time not having any ideas whatsoever, I just said "Screw it" and here we are. I hope it's good for your sake.**

Roman Torchwick and Neopolitan were in an abandoned building. Roman was standing, pointing at a map of Vale with a stick. Neo was just sitting on a crate while he rambled on in his theatrics He was planning a dust shop robbery and he needed help. Cinder was busy incognito at Beacon, and he despised working with any faunus. After his goons failed him last time, some more advanced help was required.

"So the plan is we just walk in and take the dust while you keep the shop-keep from doing anything. Got it?" He was asking more out of habit than anything else. Neo gave him a look. "..."

"Yes that's a plan." After working together, it had become easy to read the levels of Neo's silences. No one else understood how he did it, and they just let him deal with her. "..."

"I'ts a simple dust shop. I've scoped the place out and it's owned by an old man."

"..."

"Yes we will do it at night, no one goes to a dust shop at night.

"..." Neo had a smirk on her face.

"You don't have to remind me of that. It was a one time deal. Besides, that's why I'm bringing you." Neo had supposedly been referring to the incident with Ruby Rose not so far back. Nobody but Roman would ever be able to tell. She hopped off the crate, letting him lead the way. Roman was thankful that she had stopped... arguing? Yes, it was an argument.

He led them to an alley behind the dust shop and this is where they waited until night fell.

* * *

Roman and Neo strode into the shop, looking like a cliche villain team. The older fellow behind the counter didn't like this one bit. He was tensed up and sweating as the two silently browsed his wears. He spoke in a steady voice that defied his complexion, clean and clear. "Can I help you?" Roman looked up as if he was just noticing that someone was working there. He walked up while Neo kept up nonchalant appearances.

"Yes thank you, I'm looking to haggle your prices down." Roman said calmly.

"How far?" The old man asked, seeing who would keep up the charade longer.

"All the way down. For all of it." Roman sneered, watching the mans next move.

"You're practically robbing me at that price. Quite the steal, wouldn't it be?" The old man and Roman shared an uneasy laugh before Roman ended it by slamming his fist down onto the counter. He got up into the old mans face and spoke quietly. "Here's what you're going to do. You're going to stand there silently while I take all the dust I can carry, capiche?"

"Over my dead body." The old man growled out, fists tightening. "I prefer unconscious, death is so messy." Roman went to punch his jaw, expecting him to fall to the ground like a sack of potatoes, losing his bravado instantly. What he didn't expect was for his gloved hand to be caught by the old man who apparently held strength under his deceiving fragile form. "Did I ever tell you I was in Nam?" The old man asked. Roman gulped and shook his head as he felt the hand holding his fist tightening.

"I loved it." Roman's eyes widened as he was gripped by the back of his jacket and drug over the counter and thrown onto the ground. A hammering kick to the ribs knocked the breath out of him before the old man was leaning down in his face, yelling.

"Get up and fight me maggot! I saw Vietnamese children with more ambition than you!" Roman pulled out his cane and aimed it at the old mans face, but it was knocked away with ease. "Only _I_ bring guns into _my_ house!" Roman scrambled onto his feet in the yelling. "This isn't even a house!" He said, running to put some distance between them. "NEO!"

A very hard umbrella smacked the man in the face and he staggered back before smiling. "Better." He pulled a wooded club out of nowhere and batted the umbrella down. Neo held it like a shield as he kept beating at it. "This'll stop some hail I tell you!"

Roman, in a rare show of bravery, tackled the old man over the counter, pinning him. "Stay down friend." Roman said, breathing heavily. The old man flashed a wicked smile before freeing a hand and reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a pineapple grenade and bit out the pin. Roman scrambled back over the counter and behind Neo's umbrella. "It's a dud, fools!"

The two intruders relaxed when they heard this. Roman looked over and saw Melodic Cudgel lying a few feet away. he took a dive for it, rolling and pointing it up at the old man, and fired. The shot rang out with its whistle, and in the flash the old man had pulled out a green hard helmet, and batted away the shot into the wall. It broke and vines with leaves shown through. Gunshots were sounding in the distance, but none that were recognizable as any weapons of Remnant.

"What... I don't... How... Screw it." Roman attempted and failed three sentences before firing more shots at the old man. All three of the dust rounds were batted away, exploding more wall and revealing more woods. The man planted the hat on his hand and moved his arms into a position that made no sense. Reality warped and he was suddenly holding an old bolt action rifle in his hands and away from his chest. The dust shop crumbled around them and they were revealed to be in a jungle. Gunshots rang out louder all around them. The old man outright laughed like a mad man, and Roman scrambled backwards, falling down next to Neo who was still holding her umbrella like a lifeline.

She didn't often show facial expressions, but fear was plastered on her face. Roman spoke out. "Where are we!?" He yelled. The man only laughed harder before answering.

"Were in Nam, mate! Ahahahahagh!" Planes flew overhead and napalm rained in the trees behind the old man. Men were seen being shot and fighting. All the while the old man laughed. Roman was knocked out along with Neo when people came up behind them and batted them over the head with the but of the gun.

* * *

"Hey son,you look like you've seen a ghost." Roman saw the old man behind the counter snapping his fingers in his face. It took him a count of three to respond. "Uhh, yeah. Just lost my head for a moment." Roman chuckled nervously and looked over at Neo. She looked just as surprised, confused, and downright terrified as he felt.

"Can I help you at all?" The old man asked, not showing any recollection of what the other two had just experienced. Torchwick backed away slowly. "No, no. I won't be needing any assistance. You uhh... You have a good night." Roman turned around and grabbed Neopolitan by the wrist, dragging them both out of the shop. She didn't hesitate to follow him. The last thing she saw was the nameless old man waving at them, a green hard hat lying next to the register.


	12. Chapter 12

**The kids always go insane. It's time we watch the teachers lose it.**

 **Glynda**

Glynda seemed like a very strict teacher who was just a little stuck up for her job. Truth of the matter was that she was the second most important person in the building, aside from Ozpin. Her semblance allowed her to fix almost any object as long as it wasn't too complicated and all the pieces were there. In a school full of people with erratic powers contained within teenagers, this power was needed a lot.

It was only a month into the school year, but she was already about to pull her hair out Just this morning she had fixed on bookshelf, one door-frame, a sink, and Ozpin's prized coffee mug. When she was reading the teacher's lounge, her one chance for a break, she was angered to find Ozpin standing there, waiting. When she noticed him, he spoke.

"Can you fix a wall?" He asked like it was a test.

"Which one?" She asked in a voice that sounded a little short of sane. Team RWBY's. Apparently the brawler had a nightmare and punched it.

"A nightmare?" She asked, smiling in a bad way. "I'll be right on it." She said, and laughed. Glynda _never_ laughed. She stormed out of the room and left Ozpin holding his coffee mug with shaking hands. "Oh dear."

* * *

Glynda did not head to RWBY's dorm. She instead walked in what seemed like a calm way to the teacher supply closet. Inside she found tape, caulk, and a scraper. With these in hand, she made her way to the dorm. A few students in the hall gave her strange looks as somewhat deranged laughs escaped her.

She knocked on the door three times, hearing shuffling on the other side as someone made over to answer the door. A flash of blonde hair was all Glynda saw as Yang opened the door. "Good morning Miss Goodwitch. Uh, sorry about the wall." Glynda didn't answer at first as she walked in, nearly pushing Yang out of the way.

"Don't apologize to me. _You're_ fixing it!" She just about threw the supplies into Yang's arms. The brawler stood there in stunned silence at Glynda's outburst. She was normally so quiet. "O-okay."

Glynda left the room with a slam of the door. Speed walking down the hall, everyone got out of her way. She was on a straight line for the training room. A teacher wasn't above letting off stress in a violent way. Just as she was about to enter, Ozpin came around the corner. "I trust it went well?" Glynda almost shook in anger at his calm attitude towards _everything._ "It went swell."

She said this as she grabbed the coffee mug out of his hands and crushed it. Then she entered the training room.

 **Oobleck**

Being as fast paced as Oobleck was wasn't as easy as it looked. While he felt that he was going normal speed, the world snailed by. He noticed this when a not so bright student took a second to answer.

"So tell me Mr. Arc. Name one faunus trait having to do with the eyes." Jaune's words dragged on.

"Uuuuuhhhhhhhhhh, night vision?" While that one syllable dragged on, Oobleck's stare only intensified and he jerked upwards when he _finally_ answered. "Thank you." He zipped across the classroom, alternating between coffee, whiteboard, and painfully slow students. For as fast as he was, one man could only have so much patience. One student was up at the chalkboard after being asked to draw a faunus appendage. Oobleck was watching and hoping that the student would speed up. Every single stroke of the chalk was so slow it felt as if it lasted years. Finally he couldn't take it anymore.

"Screw it." It was barely audible and the student at the board looked at him only to have his fingers pried open and the chalk taken from him before he could blink. 'You are _much_ too slow."

He drew twelve different faunus appendages on different bodies across the board in just a few seconds. When he came back, he was talking so fast that almost nobody could understand him. "You-better-take-some-notes-on-this-because-it-will-be-on-the-test!"

Everyone shot for their notes, but thankfully he wrote it all down on the board in a few seconds. He took a few breaths and talked at normal speed.

"You have, ten seconds."

 **Port**

Sure he caught Grimm all the time for his class instructions. It was in his job description. That didn't make Port's life any easier. He came to this conclusion while hunting for a few Beowolves to take back. The first few he tried to capture were being... difficult. They had to die. Besides, catching them was risky business. He was currently trailing one Beowolf that was more of a Grunt than anything else.

He had been following for about an hour and his patience was wearing thin. So much so that he didn't hear the other growls before he jumped out of the tree and pinned the wolf to the ground under his weight. "Haha! I have caught you." He was getting the rope when he looked up to see the rest of the pack, snarling and angry. Port was already done with the day, but this pushed him over the edge. He finished tying his wolf before standing up and looking the Alpha dead in the face.

"You better run, _meat!"_ He snarled out. It wasn't often that someone scared a Grimm, but the Alpha took a step back. Dropping his signature BlunderAxe, he pulled a gold hilt out of his jacket. Out from it extended the golden blue blade that no one knew about. The details are too gruesome, but let's just say that the Alpha and his pack didn't get the chance to run. Covered in ichor, Port put away the hilt and put his other weapon on his back.

He gripped the still snarling and trapped Beowolf by the face and dragged it out of the forest. It kept keening out whines and growls that were starting to give Port a headache. " **SHUT UP!** "

 **Ozpin**

Ozpin. Easily the most sane man in the building. Or so everyone thought. Ever since he had summoned that demon for extra coffee, he was put into an intervention and a strict no-coffee diet. Just a day in and he was already searching for a new drink to sate his need for caffeine. Then he found something called "Red Bull".

He was sitting calmly at his desk, on his twentieth can, when the door opened. "Excuse me Ozpin?" Ruby asked nervously.

"What, what what what whatwhatwhatwhatWHAT!" He said way too many times than he had meant to, slightly scaring Ruby. "Uh, Yang can't figure out how to fix the wall and, well. We're afraid to ask Glynda right now."

Ozpin's face went slack while his figure blurred around the edges as he shook. Faster than Ruby could see, he pulled a hammer out of his drawer and sped past her, yelling words she barely understood. "I'll show you how it's done!"

Ozpin was at the elevator in a few milliseconds and the breeze from his speed hit his own back. He pushed the elevator button a couple hundred times, broke it, fixed it, and opened another can of Red Bull before the doors opened. He stepped in and soon decided it was too slow. The emergency hatch was ripped from the hinges and Ozpin jumped out of it, falling from the tower elevator and down to the ground. His aura took the entire impact without a catch.

The problem was that with the emergency door opened, the elevator mechanism went limp and the metal room came crashing down. Ozpin stared up at it as it gained speed in his direction. Draining his can, he threw it to the side with enough force to blow a hole in the wall. He stuck his hands in the air and caught the elevator like a superhero.

"Get back up there." He threw the one-ton elevator back up and it hit the ceiling. Ozpin sped out of there before the debris could hit him. Inhumanely quickly he got to the school. He was going to take the stairwell up to the dorms when two voices caught his attention.

"Dude, it's possible"

"It is so, not possible." Ozpin was immediately sidetracked and found himself sitting in front of Sun and Neptune at a lunch table. "What isn't possible?"

"I'm just saying that if you were fast enough, you could go around the world and hit yourself in the back of the head." Neptune punched Sun's arm. "And I say it's not. What do you think?" Ozpin thought for a moment before gripping both of their arms and dragging them outside.

"What are we doing outside?" Sun asked, still in a daze from the sudden change in location. Ozpin pulled a Red Bull out of his pocket and drained it faster than gravity would allow. "Finding out of course." A sonic boom blasted as Sun and Neptune watched incredulously as a second Ozpin punched his after-image in the head and then promptly fell over from the hit. Neptune continued staring, but gave Sun twenty Lien.

 **Ironwood - In Atlas**

ironwood was teaching one of the classes as a special volunteer thing. Everything was going well except for one student in the back of the room, muttering to himself.

"Son, you've got to speak up if I'm to hear you." He looked up upon being called out, seeming nervous. "I... do you know why a Raven is like a Writing Desk?" The boy asked. It was the strangest question ever, but Ironwood was always prepared. "Because if you try hard enough, they can both be made into a stew.

 **I hope you got that reference.**

Punch in the back of the face by running around the world

Tip his hat to Salem for no reason.


End file.
